Judgment Day

I realize the title for this post is a bit dramatic, but when you are a graduate student, that's what these comprehensive exams feel like.  There is no room for error and the results are so black and white--you either pass or you fail.

Having finished all my reading for these exams, I spent the day before refreshing myself on character names and reading through my past blog posts (which ended up being a lifesaver--for those of you starting the exam process now, start a blog.  It is a much better way to keep track of your notes/thoughts/observations on your readings and your readers give you such great feedback).  After that, I read through the writing sample I gave to my committee and practiced my opening statement.

I felt ready.  I didn't know how else I could study or what other material I could read/memorize.

Then, the morning of the exam day came and I opened up the exam room and waited for my committee members to arrive.  As soon as the clock read 9:30, my committee members sat down, their list of questions in front of them, and the exam began. 

We talked about everything--the reading list, my writing, the purpose behind different writing strategies/points of view, everything I addressed here in my blog posts (differences between the male/female Bildungsroman, the role of sexuality in these books, different ways of coming-of-age and how not all of them are successful, the role of place, the realms of validation and the implications of each).  We even addressed some things that I really didn't expect like verb tense, use of space on the page, and the "otherness" in some of the books on my reading list.

Yet, the whole time, I focused on speaking slowly (something my husband suggested when I practiced the exam with him) and brought in specific examples whenever I could, including theorists and scholars I had referenced in my novel exam last semester.  Some of the questions took me by surprise, but I felt that I answered them well and gave good examples and referenced the right books/authors.

Then came the end.

"Will you step out into the hall, please?"

Gulp...uhm, sure.  So I did and thought back to when I defended my master's thesis at Auburn University.  The committeee members didn't even need to discuss whether I passed--they just told me then and there, so this was new to me.

I sat down in one of the chairs by the elevator, resisting the urge the listen by the door when they were deciding my fate.

A few minutes passed.  I replayed the exam over in my mind, asking myself if I had bungled any of the questions.  I thought it went well.  Oh, God, what if I failed?

Just then, my committee chair came out and motioned me back in.  As soon as I came in the room, the signature sheet indicating that I passed with distinction was set out on the table all signed and approved.

I was so delirious with happiness that after I thanked them and we all turned out the lights and locked the room, I went to the wrong way go teach my class, too excited to even focus on where I was going. 

It's still sinking in.  I am officially ABD.  Exams are finally, finally done!

Wahoo!